


A (Demi)Boy and His Demon

by jowritesthings



Series: Humans and Angels and Demons, OH MY! [1]
Category: Cartoon Therapy (Web Series), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (((except emile you're doing great sweetie))), (((so much later on that it might not even be till the next work in this series oop))), ((but it's much later on)), ((honestly everyone is a little shit in this au can't even lie)), (again can't remember if it's mentioned yet but also a Thing), (can't remember if that's explicitly mentioned yet but that's a Thing in this au), (janus + roman + patton come in eventually), (just remus being remus), (or is he??), (or is he???), (so is remy tbh), ...also ish, ...ish, Agender Logic | Logan Sanders, Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - Demons, Alternate Universe - Human, Angels, Attempt at Humor, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Demiboy Sleep | Remy Sanders, Demon Logic | Logan Sanders, Demons, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Flirting, Genderfluid Dr. Emile Picani, How Do I Tag, Human Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Human Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Human Dr. Emile Picani, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Human Sleep | Remy Sanders, Humor, Innuendo, Light Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders is a Little Shit, M/M, Nonbinary Logic | Logan Sanders, Nonbinary Sleep | Remy Sanders, Other, Romantic Comedy, Sarcasm, Sleep | Remy Sanders is a Little Shit, Sleep | Remy Sanders-centric, Snark, Swearing, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25442842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jowritesthings/pseuds/jowritesthings
Summary: In Remy’s defense, he hadn’t exactly meant to summon a demon in the middle of a coffee shop on just another typical Tuesday.And they most certainly hadn’t meant to bind the poor sap to them for the rest of their (presumably now-shortened and miserable) life.But there he was.And that was exactly what he had done.*University-student-slash-sleep-deprived-writer Remy accidentally summons a snarky-serious-and-seriously-fed-up demon named Logan.*I own nothing. I am not in any way associated with Thomas Sanders or Sanders Sides. I merely wrote the plot and the story. Do not copy or repost to other websites or other places.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Series: Humans and Angels and Demons, OH MY! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842826
Comments: 30
Kudos: 56





	1. Prologue: In Which Remy Inadvertently Summons a Demon

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one-shot, but Remy told Logan to hold their coffee and then bullied me into making it six chapters and a prologue. I accept my defeat with dignity and insist that it was, in fact, actually my decision in order to get used to writing multi-chap things again before I tackle my Big Bad AUs. Sleep totally didn’t hold my Starbucks hostage (not the chai, man! is nothing sacred?!).
> 
> Quick Note: in this, Sleep is indeed called Remy, and he's a demiboy who uses he/they pronouns. Logan uses xe/xem/xyr bc xe’s a demon, and human concepts of gender don’t rly apply to xem (although I'm loosely considering xem to be agender for the tags' sake).

In Remy’s defense, he hadn’t exactly _meant_ to summon a demon in the middle of a coffee shop on just another typical Tuesday.

And they most certainly hadn’t _meant_ to bind the poor sap to them for the rest of their (presumably now-shortened and miserable) life.

But there he was.

And that was _exactly_ what he had done.

But—erm, well. We’ll get there.

* * *

“Remy!” a familiar voice chirped as said enby pushed the door open to his favorite haunt. “Do you how do?”

“Ugh. Like, horrible.” The answer was instinctual at this point. Usually it was just sarcastic, but on a deadline like this? Satan had nothing on the wrath of an editor.

The echo of the bell ringing bright through his ears, Remy walked over to the front counter, where his good friend and caffeine addiction enabler stood. They tried in vain to pretend that they were swaggering and not at all staggering from sleep deprivation and lack of caffeine.

“So it’ll be the usual for you, then, yeah?” Emile smiled, and god, for all the years they’ve spent working as a barista themself, Remy would never understand how Emile could stay so upbeat while on-shift.

“You know it, gurl,” Remy answered, fishing out his wallet. “Although gimme the largest size this time, hun’.”

Emile clucked sympathetically, already turning and getting started on Remy’s iced coffee. “Deadline coming up?”

“Uh-huh. Tonight.” Remy sighed, slapping a ten dollar bill onto the counter. “I’m due to get the script for chapter sixty-nine to Remus, but like, he’s been too busy giggling over the number of the upcoming chapter to finish the one we’re supposed to publish tomorrow. Virgil’s on the warpath, and I’ve been roped into designing shit to make up for Remus falling behind.” He rolled his eyes.

“Golly, that sure sounds rough.” Emile slid some ice into Remy’s coffee before popping a lid on it, swirling it a couple times, and sliding it across the counter with some verbal sound effects to accompany it. He picked up the tenner and began to punch things into the cash register, counting out change for Remy. “But I believe in you!”

“Gurl, you shouldn’t. _I_ don’t,” Remy snickered. They reached back into their bag, groping around for their reusable straw. Pulling it out, he popped it into his cup. “There’s a reason I’m the brains behind the writing of this operation, not the art. You think I’d be working with those idiots if I had a choice?”

“Yes, I do,” Emile said mildly. He handed over Remy’s change.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fair.” Shoving his change into the tips jar, Remy rolled his eyes. Again. They did that a lot. Which, how could he not, when he was surrounded by so many dorks?

“Anyways, I’ll be in my usual corner, I guess.” Remy jerked their head towards their usual corner table. “Lemme know if you need any help back there, babe. Or if any tea needs spilling.” They winked at Emile from behind their sunglasses before turning and heading to sit down.

Once seated, Remy pulled out his laptop and the battered spiral notebook that he kept most of his ideas for their comic in. Exchanging their sunglasses somewhat reluctantly for a pair of blue light glasses, he booted up his computer. Then, after setting everything up in its typical position and connecting to the wifi in the coffee shop, Remy allowed themself a moment to sit back and sip at their iced coffee.

The contrasting tastes of sweet white mocha and bitter coffee filled his mouth, and Remy felt his shoulders relax for what had to be the first time in twelve to twenty-four hours.

Classes earlier in the day had been an absolute nightmare of scribbling in margins and surreptitiously typing the script up on his phone when professors weren’t looking. Then the night before had been a horror-filled dream sequence of exhaustion and trying to write actual content down without falling asleep on the keyboard and waking up with the L key imprinted on their nose and sixteen pages of keysmashes.

So suffice to say, Remy was not having a good time. But the iced coffee? It warmed their gay little heart. It made things just a bit more bearable on days like this.

All too soon the buzzing of his phone reminded Remy of their subsequent impending deadline and doom, and he came crashing back down to earth.

Sipping once more at their iced coffee, Remy set it off to the side, slipping in his earbuds and focusing in on the Word document in front of him. They began to type.

* * *

Three hours and two refills later, Remy had finished chapter sixty-nine, had sent it to Virgil to look over, and had even started on chapter seventy for a good measure.

Until Virgil sent back his edits, Remy’s focus of the moment had shifted to designs for chapter sixty-six, which Remus _should’ve_ started drawing a few days ago, but nooo, the asshat wasn’t even done shading sixty-five, which was supposed to be posted in...Remy consulted their phone...in roughly six hours now. _Fuck_.

Remy couldn’t draw for shit, but they could research like nobody’s business, and designing and sketching was simple enough, so he wasn’t entirely unused to getting dragged into stuff like physical character designs and the creation of symbols and outfits (Remus was far too oafish and uncoordinated when it came to fashion, anyway).

Shaky as Remy’s art was, Remus certainly knew how to pick out what he liked from Remy’s miserable excuses for sketches, at least, so their partnership worked well enough...even if Remy privately thought his similarly-named partner acted like a dolt and smelled like minute ramen (and not even the good kind! more like the shrimp kind, and what the fuck kind of _imbecile_ eats shrimp-flavored microwave ramen).

Finally satisfied with the roughly-sketched summoning circle that they had copied from the web, Remy exited out of Google Images.

Summoning circles, Remy had to admit, were a new topic of research for him. Their story—a Good Omens-type comic centering around an angel and a demon trapped in the human world—had required plenty of research into religion and religious imagery, of which they had not been a fan, but for some reason summoning circles had never really cropped up on their radar.

Remy may not have been a fan of the concept of angels, but he certainly wasn’t a fan of the concept of demons and the occult, either, so digging through the ominously dark websites had been...interesting. Eventually they had just given up and straight-up copied a summoning circle at random. They could take that and go from there, adding their own flair to it.

Remy looked down at the shaky summoning circle he had sketched out before him. It was kinda lopsided, but it was whatever. It was also much too boring, if you asked him. When they sent Remus their final reference, they’d put a note in the margins telling him to add some of that weird gory imagery stuff he was obsessed with. “Creep would really like that, huh,” Remy muttered aloud to himself.

Scrutinizing the copied circle for a few more moments, Remy mentally listed out some of the changes they wanted to make—an extra line here, a circle there, take out that square—and they reached into their backpack for one of the random looseleaf sheets of paper he always had floating around in there. Only, they grabbed at the wrong corner of the paper.

Feeling the sheet of paper slice into their pointer finger, Remy quietly hissed out a breath. “Fuck.” He drew his finger out of the bag, pulling it up to his face to get a good look at the injury, and shit, the papercut was bad enough that it was actually bleeding.

“Goddammit,” Remy cursed as a few drops of crimson splattered onto the paper in front of them, blurring over the details of the summoning circle he had drawn.

Remy popped his finger into his mouth and sucked at the smidgen of blood leaking out. Deciding to actually look at what they were sticking their hand into this time, they turned to the left, fully intending to practically stick his head into his bag to find a napkin and that pesky sheet of paper both.

This was how they came to be aware of the person who appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, to stand to the side of their table.


	2. One: In Which Remy Does Something Even Stupider than Summoning a Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy and Logan have an extremely awkward first meeting gone horribly wrong, which leads to an extremely awkward "holy shit you're a demon and you're now bound to me for life" realization, which in turn leads to nosiness and utter humiliation from Remy's friends, naturally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Demons? In this economy?

“Hello,” the person standing in front of Remy said, staring disapprovingly down at him through their glasses.

Remy looked the dude up and down once, twice. (‘Dude’? He wasn’t sure if they were a dude so nah, they’ll stick with ‘person’ moving forward.)

The person standing next to his table was a tall, thin brunette, with no-nonsense rectangular glasses and a no-nonsense expression on their face to match. They were admittedly well-equipped in the looks department—that is to say, they were most _definitely_ hot, Remy’s bi little heart skipped a beat—even if their fashion sense was seemingly nonexistent. They had on a plain black collared shirt, jeans, and what looked like a name tag of sorts—so maybe they were a new barista at the café then? Although Emile hadn’t mentioned any new hires.

“ Uh.  Can I help you?” Remy asked, arching a perfectly-trimmed eyebrow.

“I believe that I should be the one asking that of you,” the person returned, and...were they  _glaring_ at Remy? As much as Remy understood the wrath foodservice workers felt towards particularly Karen- like customers, they really didn’t think the current situation warranted it.

“I’m good right now, actually,” Remy dismissed, hoping the weirdo would get the message, “but thanks for asking. I guess.” They looked back down at their writing again, shuffling the paper with the summoning circle to the side and focusing back in on their laptop.

After a few moments of typing, though, Remy became aware of the shadow that still fell over his keyboard. He glanced up to see the person still staring intently at him—only this time they were closer than ever, standing right at his left shoulder.

“Uh, babe.” Remy wasn’t feeling so nice anymore, and they let the irritation seep into their voice. Remy was on a deadline. Remy had no time for nosy strangers. “Ever heard of personal space?”

“No,” the weirdo responded, and Remy honestly couldn’t tell if they were being serious or sarcastic. It seemed they were being serious, though, when their brow wrinkled in confusion. “You are the one who summoned me, are you not?”

“I...don’t think so?” Remy wracked their brain, trying to recall if there was anything he’d done that might make a barista feel obligated to come check on him. Were they really that much of a pathetic gay? Was it really so obvious that he hadn’t slept in like two days and desperately needed  yet  another refill of iced coffee? “Yeah, like...I really don’t think I did.”

“And yet you are the one with my summoning circle written down,” the person insisted, gesturing down at the sheet of looseleaf paper, and—wait,  _what_ ?

“I’m sorry, what?” Remy gaped.

N ow that they were closer, Remy could read the name tag on  the other person’s—no, the demon’s?— chest, which read “Supreme Lord of Dark Knowledge”, with Logan neatly written in parentheses  beneath i t.

‘Supreme Lord’ Logan picked up the piece of paper that Remy had aimlessly scribbled a summoning circle upon at random, for use as a reference in designing his own. A few faint droplets of his blood were spattered across it from the papercut. They looked Remy in the eye, and it occurred to Remy that the person’s—Logan’s—eyes were oddly maroon  and almost glow-y.

“I am a demon,” Logan said, leaning in to Remy, so close they could practically kiss him, “and you are the one who summoned me. So how may I help you? What is your purpose behind summoning me?”

Remy stared.

Logan returned his gaze,  obstinately inching yet closer. Eventually they were getting way too much into Remy’s personal space,  _rude_ , so he  caved and let Logan win the  unspoken battle of wills , yanking their head back almost violently.

Remy started to laugh.

“Oh my god,” they said, gasping for breath. “I  haven’t reached the hallucination stage of sleep-deprived caffienation this quickly before.”

“—I. Uh. Pardon?” Perhaps realizing just how uncomfortably close the two  were , Logan backed up a respec tful distance before looking down at him, confused.

“I’ve gotta say, you’re the most realistic hallucination I’ve  had since I tried LSD that one time back in high school.” Remy wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. They looked Logan up and down a bit more appreciatively, now that he knew that they were a product of his own imagination. “Damn, my mind knows how to appeal to my...well, everything. You’re pretty hot.”

“It is hot in hell, yes. So naturally my temperature runs higher.” Every time Remy thought it not possible, Logan became even more perplexed. “Excuse me—if I might request clarification for a moment here. You think that I am not real?”

Logan reached out a hand and closed it securely around Remy’s wrist where it lay on the keyboard of his laptop, his hand steadily pressing the “p” button on the forgotten word document that was chapter seventy. “I can assure you that I very much am not a product of your imagination.”

Remy swore.

“What the fuck,” he said, not caring as his voice gradually grew louder, “what the  _fuck_ .” They jerked their arm away from Logan, accidentally knocking over his precious iced coffee, and they swore again as they raced to pick up his laptop and his notes to save them from a watery death.

“Bitch,” Remy hissed at the iced coffee that now steadily inched its way across the table. They then looked up at Logan. “You made me spill my coffee,” he accused. “What the hell, man?”

The supposed demon raised an eyebrow, snapping his fingers, and Remy’s coffee  _slid back into his cup and righted itself again, good as new, what the fuck_ . “I do believe that we just established that I am in fact a demon and not a man.”

Shit, shit, yeah, right. “All right, then what are your pronouns?” Remy asked. He wanted to rip them to shreds, yeah, but all the better to not misgender them as he did so.

“Gender does not work for demons as it does for humans,” Logan informed him, “ however, in your language, xe/xem/xyr pronouns are particularly...satisfactory...for me.”

“Cool.” Remy nodded. “I’m Remy, they/them and he/him.” He paused. “ Okay, like, b ack to business—what the  _hell_ ?”

“Yes, that is where I come from.” Logan nodded, and was xe serious or was xe patronizing Remy? They were pretty sure xe was patronizing him.

“Okay.” Remy glared up at xem. “Then like...can you go back already?”

Logan let out a long-suffering sigh, pushing xyr glasses up on the bridge of xyr nose. “Tell me what deal you would like to make, and then yes, I will gladly depart from this ridiculous world.”

“I’ll remind you that  _you’re_ the one who appeared  in this ‘ridiculous world’  out of literal fucking nowhere,” Remy snarked, half under their breath.

“And _I_ shall remind you that _you_ are the one who summoned me,” Logan snapped. Xe scrutinized Remy carefully. “Although I must say, I was not expecting the likes of you to be intelligent enough to summon me at all, much less as unintentionally as it appears to have been.”

“Hey! Watch what you’re sayin—nope, never mind that.” Remy exhaled loudly, exasperated. “Just tell me how to get rid of you already.”

“Very well.” Logan pushed xyr glasses up on the bridge of xyr nose. “It  i s quite simple, really. In order to break our connection, all you must do is destroy the summoning circle that initially began the connection. In order to do that you must—”

“Oh, really?” Remy relaxed, shoulders lowering slightly. Nice and easy. That was good. “ That’s easy .” He grabbed the paper in both hands and started to tear.

“Wait, no! No, not like that, you are going to—” Logan leapt on top of Remy, knocking them and their chair to the ground.

But it was too late. Remy had already ripped the paper—and, consequently, the summoning circle—in half.

A snapping, burning feeling coursed through Remy’s body as he crashed to the ground, hard.

The torn halves of the paper fluttered to the ground around Remy and Logan as they lay on the floor, disoriented, Logan on top of Remy, Logan’s face in Remy’s neck and Remy with their vision impaired by Logan’s hair.

Remy spat out a mouthful of Logan’s hair, shoving xem off of him. “What the fuck?” he exclaimed once more, not unlike a broken record.

“I should be asking the same of you,” Logan spat, straightening xemself up and adjusting xyr glasses, and holy hell, if Remy had thought xe was glaring before, it was about fifty times worse now. “You  a re supposed to  _burn_ the circle and destroy it, you half-wit. By merely breaking the circle as you did you didn’t release me, you  _bound me to you for life_ .”

“Well,  like,  how was I supposed to know that?” Remy shot back through clenched teeth, trying to stave back the anger and panic churning in the pit of his stomach.

“I was  _just about to tell you that_ ,” Logan seethed, and shitshit _shit_ , abort mission, maybe Remy should back off, maybe angering the supposed demon wasn’t a good idea, xyr eyes were literally shining with literal  _fire_ and xyr hair was starting to  _float up_ and that couldn’t be good—

“Hey now! What’s going on here?”

Remy and Logan looked up to see Emile standing in front of them, short and chubby and blond and arms crossed and wearing his bright purple apron and scary-calm,  which was somehow even more terrifying than the literal demon, even as he was practically an angel (not literally—or at least, Remy didn’t  _think_ it was literal—god, please tell them it  wasn’t literal).

“Why don’t we take whatever this is to the back?” Emile asked the two of them, only it really wasn’t a question.

Oh, yeah. They were in the middle of a busy coffee shop full of witnesses, weren’t they.

Remy shoved themself to their feet and hastily grabbed his things, while Logan righted the chair xe had knocked over when xe took Remy down. Then, meekly and not unlike scolded children, Remy and Logan followed Emile to the employee break room. And boy, Remy was not looking forward to the conversation that no doubt would ensue.

“...So you’re saying you’re a demon,” Emile said slowly, eyes wide as he stared at Logan.

“Indeed.” Logan waved xyr hand and extinguished the indigo flames that had previously been dancing across xyr palm.

“Ooh ooh ooh! Like Bill Cipher?” Emile asked excitedly.

Remy lowered their face into their hands.

“Like—ah, yes, of course,” responded Logan the actual literal fucking  _demon_ , “although I personally prefer to take a more humanesque appearance on the rare occasions that I am summoned. I find it is more calming for the humans that summon me.” Xe tilted xyr head, looking curiously at Emile. “You’ve met Cipher?”

“I—” Emile gasped, eyes practically starry, and hell, could this get any worse for Remy. “He’s real? I knew it!”

The bell jingled back out in the shop, then not two seconds later the employee door swung open, and hell, this  _could_ get worse for Remy.

Remus stepped through the door, eyes bright with mischievous delight and clad in a hideous combination of jeans, some obscure band tee, and an honest-to-god camo uflage-patterned tutu. “I heard through the grapevine that some major shit is going down.”

Remy glared half-heartedly at Emile. “You did not text him.”

Emile laughed awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck.

“ _Babe_ ,” Remy groaned. “You didn’t.”

“He did!” Remus garbled out, grinning wider than the Joker. “So our dear little Remsykins has a boyfriend now?”

“Not a boy,” Logan said, while at the same time, Remy groaned, “Not my boyfriend.”

“Details.” Remus waved Remy off, although he at least had the decency to ask Logan xyr pronouns before opening his mouth to continue harassing the two of them with questions.

Remy held up a hand. “ Uh, n ope. I’m dealing with enough bullshit right now, babe, and I’m still mad at you for falling  so far  behind on art. None of your weird questions about, like, fucking demons or eternal torture or whatever,  _please_ .”

Remus’ mouth clacked shut loudly, and he looked rather put-off. Then what Remy had said fully sank in. “Wait, demons? As in, demons existing?  For reals ?”

Remy turned to Logan, despairing, and thankfully xe seemed to get the message, stepping in.

“Indeed they  are, as you put it, ‘for reals’ ,” Logan affirmed. “I’ll give you...ah, I believe humans  still  say the ‘Spark Notes’ version of our present circumstance. In researching for their comic, Remy inadvertently copied down my summoning circle. When he got a paper-cut, blood got onto the circle, and he spoke the incantation—” Logan turned to look at Remy, “—which, by the way how on earth did you manage to accidentally say the summoning incantation?”

“I didn’t,” Remy said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Did you say anything at all?” Logan asked.

Remy thought back. “Uh, I think I said...‘goddammit’?”

“Ah.” Logan blinked. “Yes, well, that isn’t the traditional incantation, but...it suffices.”

Remy threw up their hands, walking away from Logan, Remus, and Emile and glaring mightily at the overly cheery coffee-themed wallpaper. “What the fuck,” he said to no one in particular for the umpteenth time.  It was rapidly becoming his favorite phrase.

“Incantations aside, I was summoned,” Logan continued, as if xe had never been interrupted in the first place, “whereupon your friend panicked and accidentally bound me to them for the rest of their life.”

Remus cackled, delighted. “Damn, Remsykinsies, haven’t you gotten yourself into a mess!”

“I don’t. Want. To think about it,” Remy seethed, turning back around to face him and the others again. “I’d much rather we focus on how you should really be leaving to go finish up chapter sixty-five already, thank you very much.”

“Like I’d miss out on watching you humiliate yourself?” Remus was getting the last of the giggles out of his system. “Fat chance.” He swiped a tear of mirth out of the corner of his eye before he continued to speak. “Anyhow, so you’re telling me that demons actually exist in this world, and  _I’m not one of them_ ?” he asked, his tone mildly indignant. “Rude.”

“And thank god for that,” Remy muttered under their breath, collapsing onto the overstuffed pink couch in the break room. Even if Logan didn’t kill them and steal their soul or some shit, Remus simply being Remus was about to do him in. “The moment you become a demon is the moment the world burns.”

“Exactly!” Remus grinned at him, and how did his teeth look sharper than that of the  _actual_ demon in the room? Maybe Remus really wasn’t human after all.

“Eh, whatever! Moving on!” Remus rounded on Logan, expression alight with all the fires of hell, and Remy was really having a difficult time remembering who, exactly, the demon was in this  sc e nario . “I just want to know—are you a  _demon_ in the sheets?”

Remy lowered his head into his arms and  _screamed_ .

(That night, as Remy and Logan awkwardly lay on opposing sides of Remy’s bed, resolutely refusing to face each other, Logan would ask how on earth could it be possible for xem to not be a demon in the sheets, as xe is a demon everywhere xe goes, and Remy would fall off the bed.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today you get a double post bc I'm feeling nice. I'm even posting hella early today instead of tonight bc I'm too impatient and exhausted to do anything else. I'm so nice right lolololol /s


	3. Two: In Which Remy Kind of Regrets the Stupid Things He’s Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy wakes up to realize that unfortunately, the whole "accidentally summoning a demon" thing was very much not a dream. (Also, he's late to school, but that's whatever. Coffee first, then demons, then school.) Logan's chosen conversation topic gets much too deep for a Remy who is not yet fully awake or caffeinated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Yeah, so as expected, I did not have this published by the date I told myself I would. But we're just gonna ignore that bc yaaay here it is! Finally! :D So I hope you enjoy! :DDD

The morning dawned bright and cold, the sun shining its annoyingly cheerful face through the window and directly onto Remy’s face.

“Goddammit” was the first word out of Remy’s mouth as they winced at the bright light. They stretched, scrunching up their nose, stretching out their arms, and arching their back slightly.

Body pleasantly loose and relaxed, Remy rolled over onto his back. Judging from how bright the sun was, they had no doubt slept through their alarm, which most probably meant they were missing class time, but exhausted as they were, they couldn’t seem to find a reason to care in the given moment.

See, Remy with no coffee in his system was a Remy who gave exactly zero shits about anything. Granted, Remy at any given time was a Remy who gave exactly zero shits about anything—it’s just, without their morning coffee, there was no filter to prevent him from releasing this information.

Remy sat up in bed. In glancing across the room at the alarm clock on his dresser, they were made aware of a lump lying under the sheets on the other half of the bed.

“God _dammit_ ,” Remy said again, more vehemently this time.

So the day before hadn’t been a dream, then. Either that, or Remy had gotten absolutely smashed, and his alcohol-ridden brain had concocted the wildest dream about him and a one-night stand. But a cursory glance under the sheets proved them both to be much too clothed for that, and besides, things like that only happened in really bad fanfiction.

Then again, demons  _actually_ existing in real life just sounded like a really bad fanfiction trope, too, Remy grumped as they forced themself to swing their legs over the side of their bed. And yet.

Standing, Remy stared down at the body of the person—well, demon—huddled underneath his bedsheets.

“And yet,” they sighed aloud heavily, “here we are.”

“Where are we?”

The covers rolled down to the demon’s—to Logan’s—admittedly attractive slim waist, and xyr eyes flicked open to reveal slightly slitted, surprisingly coherent pupils. “Are we not in your bedroom, in your apartment, in the human realm?”

Remy yelped, jumping slightly. “Wh—you’re awake already?”

“Naturally,” Logan answered, turning away from Remy as xe got out of bed. “As a demon, I do not sleep. My body does not require rest—it merely require the souls of the damned for nourishment.”

Remy gaped. “Then—why did you watch me flounder around trying to find somewhere for you to sleep last night?” His cheeks colored slightly. “And if you don’t sleep, then why the hell’d you think it necessary to, to lie in my bed with me all night? That’s highkey creepy AF.”

Amusement flickered briefly across Logan’s expression before a look of cool indifference once more reappeared. “Again, I am a demon.” Logan stepped over to Remy’s dresser and began investigating the jumble of objects haphazardly shoved onto it. “As such, I do not feel emotions; however, the amusement I find in humans’ dismay is the closest I will get to feeling love.” Xe paused. “What is ‘ay eff’?”

Remy was pretty sure ‘amusement’ technically was an emotion, but he wasn’t about to contradict and potentially anger a demon before they had even had their morning coffee. Nor were they particularly in a mood to explain modern slang to a probably centuries-old demon, so he ignored xyr question and shelved that discussion topic away for another time.

After all, apparently they had an entire lifetime to talk about it now.

But he wasn’t particularly in the mood to think about that, either, so. Moving rapidly on.

“Babe,” Remy said instead, scandalized, as they realized what Logan was— _still_ —wearing. “You’re telling me you slept in that getup?” They looked Logan up and down derisively, taking in the somehow non-rumpled collared shirt and—the hell, was xe still wearing that lameass tie?

Logan raised an eyebrow at Remy before turning to examine xyr surroundings once more. “Why would I not?”

“Don’t tell me demons don’t have pajamas.” Remy walked over to his dresser and lightly pushed Logan aside, opening a drawer and scrabbling around for some dayclothes for him to wear (and for some that might fit Logan, just to make xem look slightly less like a nerd).

“We do not,” Logan confirmed, nodding, “although the concept is not unfamiliar. We simply have no need for sleeping clothes when we do not do any sleeping.”

“Whatever.” Remy rolled their eyes and tossed Logan a wad of clothing. “Just go into the bathroom and put those on already, gurl. I gotta get to class, and I’m assuming you’re coming with since you’re, like, stuck with me or bound or whatever this is.”

“But I am already dressed,” came Logan’s befuddled reply.

“Oh, please. You’re not wearing  _that_ on my watch, gurl.” Remy shamelessly unbuttoned and stripped off his pajama shirt, sliding on a soft, casual gray tee. They untied their drawstring pajama pants and began to slide them down their legs.

Logan whirled away, xyr cheeks turning surprisingly red for a demon. Weren’t they supposed to be all over stuff like that?

“Shy, huh?” Remy teased, slipping on jeans and grabbing for their faux-leather jacket from the back of their desk chair. “Whatever happened to the whole sexy demon stereotype thing, hmm? Not that you aren’t sexy in your own dorky nerd way,” he added, enjoying watching the flush gather around the back of Logan’s neck.

“I, ahm,” Logan stammered, hugging Remy’s clothes tightly to xyr chest. “I am afraid that...I am not one of those types of demons.” Xe peeked behind xem at Remy and, seeing them fully dressed once more, turned around, shoulders stiff. “So if that is what you are expecting—”

“Nah, not really.” Remy shrugged, slipping on their shoes, not missing how Logan’s stiff posture relaxed somewhat upon hearing those words. “Although remind me to ask you about, like, demon types and shit like that once I’ve had my coffee,” he said. There was another topic to be noted for later discussion. “I’m not ready to have important convos or existential crises till I’m on my third cup.”

“Duly noted,” Logan honest-to-god (or was it honest-to-satan?) pulled a notebook and a pen out of nowhere and began scrawling something down. “I shall keep this in mind in regard to our future conversations. Additionally, I will endeavor to remember to bring up that particular subject later on.”

“Oh my  _god_ ,” Remy groaned. They really got stuck with what had to be the only nerd demon in existence, didn’t they. “C’mon, babe. I’m late to class, and I want coffee. Get dressed.” They looked Logan up and down once more. “At least lose the tie, please. I’m a college kid. You’re not one of my professors.”

“What?” Logan said, affronted. Xe grasped xyr midnight blue tie loosely in one hand. “I do not wish to ‘lose’ it. It is a necktie. It is for serious demons. I am a serious demon.”

Remy snickered as they picked up the backpack lying by the bedroom door.. “You’re, like, a total invalid, that’s what you are.”

“I am  _not_ !” Logan shrilled behind them, offended. “Serious!  _Necktie_ !”

But Remy was already out the door, grinning triumphantly and thoroughly ignoring xem.

* * *

Naturally, they had to make a stop at the coffee shop on their way to campus. Remy was already late enough, so it wasn’t like he was going to make it to his first lecture even if they tried. Might as well face the rest of the day with coffee by  their side. Caffeine was  their only true friend.

Remy had already ordered and paid for his own coffee before it occurred to  them that Logan might want some, too.

“Shit, do demons drink coffee?” Remy asked, turning to Logan, who thankfully had lost the necktie after they argued nonstop over it on the walk to the shop. Xe was standing behind Remy, observing as Emile worked the espresso machine. “So, do you? Drink coffee? And d’you want any?”

“Yes, if you do not mind,” Logan answered. “Some coffee would be most welcome.”

“Lit.” Remy turned back to the front counter, ignoring the questioning noise Logan made at his use of slang. “Sorry, Em, but could we get a medium coffee too?” He looked at Logan, appraising. “You look like a dark roast kinda guy.”

“You most certainly may!” Emile smiled cheerfully at the two and popped a lid on Remy’s drink. “It’ll be on the house, Mixter Demon, sir.”  He winked over-exaggeratedly in that way that only he could pull off without looking like a total fool. “Do you want any room for cream and sugar?”

“No, thank you. I take my coffee black,” Logan deadpanned. “Like my soul.”

Emile nearly dropped the cup he was trying to hand off to Remy.

“W-wait, really?” Remy asked, wondering if he needed to get worried. Was he going to end up with a black soul or whatever because of this unintentional deal gone wrong? If he was, did he even care?

Logan rolled xyr eyes, and hey! Eyeroll buddies. So the two did have one thing in common after all. “No, of course not. The concept is ridiculous.”

Relaxing slightly, Remy nodded. “Yeah. Kinda is, gurl.” They sipped at their coffee—today he had gone for a mocha, figuring the extra caffeine in the espresso would be very much needed to survive  the day with any amount of sanity still remaining.

The two fell silent for a moment, watching quietly as Emile bustled around and poured coffee into a to-go cup for Logan, then:

“Besides, I don’t have a soul,” Logan added.

Remy spit out their iced mocha.

* * *

“Okay,” Remy  said, voice muffled as he used his teeth to fidget with his reusable straw. They looked both ways before grabbing at Logan’s arm and dragging xem across the street in front of the coffee shop. “So. Tell me about demon-y things.”

Logan paused mid-step, and Remy swore. “Oh my—gurl, wait till we’re done crossing the street. Maybe  _you_ can’t die, but I still can.” He hurried the demon across the street. “Walk ’n talk, babe, walk ’n talk. I do technically have someplace to be.”

“Actually.” Out of the corner of their eye, Remy saw Logan push xyr glasses up further on the bridge of xyr nose. Nervous tic, maybe? “About that.”

“About what,” Remy said flatly.

Logan seemed to get smaller, folding in on xemself somewhat as the two of them walked down the sidewalk. Xe fully took xyr glasses off, rubbing firmly at the lenses with the hem of xyr shirt, seeming reluctant to speak. Eventually, though, xe finally opened xyr mouth, and the words that tumbled out baffled Remy and shook him beyond belief.

“You cannot die.”

Remy nearly dropped their  coffee .

After a moment of madly scrambling to keep his grip on the slippery, condensated surface of his  coffee cup , Remy turned to fully face Logan. “I’m sorry,  _what_ ?”

“You, erm.” Logan peered through the lenses of xyr glasses, deemed them still dirty, fervently wiped at them with the bottom of xyr shirt again. “Technically you can still die, and you will. Just...you can only perish of natural causes—that is, of old age, or perhaps a particularly nasty illness.”

Remy blinked. Wh...what.

Apparently satisfied with xyr cleaning of xyr glasses, Logan carefully fitted them back onto xyr face. Xe  abruptly  continued walking, forcing Remy to keep in motion as well  to keep Logan from straying off-track on the way to campus .

“Due to the...unfortunate extenuating circumstances of our deal, we did not have the chance to  configure the details of it,” Logan elaborated. “As such, our contract with each other has resulted in the...shall we say, the default?” Xe pondered xyr words for a moment. “Yes, ‘default’ suffices, given our context.”

“I—how?” Remy managed to push  a word and a half  out of his choked throat, his fumbly mouth.  Honestly, that was a pretty good number, considering the situation.  “ What’s the—so what’s the default, then?”

“If you happen to be fatally injured or similarly, our deal mandates that I heal you or, at the very least, provide you with the means of survival,” Logan explained. Xe smiled for the first time—but it was a grim, knowing smile that Remy didn’t find themself liking in the slightest. “Of course, ensuring that you survive does not require anything  beyond a bare minimum.”

Logan’s face was weirdly shadowed for someone standing in the middle of the street on a sunny day.  “Should I choose to, I could make your life quite miserable.”

Remy swallowed.

“However.” Logan fixed xyr unwavering gaze on Remy. “As you have not given me reason to do as such, we shall hope that it does not come to such measures.”

Unable to do anything other than nod, Remy rapidly shook his head up and down, not unlike a bobblehead. Logan had seemed fairly harmless at first, even for an apparent demon, but now...oh, boy. They were very much not keen to get on xyr bad side.

“The only fatal injuries that I am not required to heal are self-inflicted ones,” Logan said, albeit more quietly than xyr previous words had been. “If it is a human’s wish to take themself out of this world, it is...not my duty to interfere.”

“ Oh. Uh.”  Remy licked his dry lips nervously. “ You won’t have to worry about that here. I don’t think.” Their throat was dry—any lingering wetness from the coffee had disappeared quite quickly when Logan had first begun speaking. But—oh, wait, they were an idiot. There was still more coffee left.

The two of them walked past the front sign of Remy’s university, officially on campus. Remy jerkily lifted his iced coffee to his lips, taking the tiniest of tiny sips. “Is there...any way to, like, break a deal or something?” Remy asked nervously as he guided the two of them towards the art building.

Logan sighed. “If I were an angel, perhaps I would be kind enough to look for a loophole,”—and, what the fuck,  _angels_ existed too? which, like, made sense, considering demons were a thing, but still, what the fuck—“however, deals are permanent contracts, and in return for ensuring your survival, our deal promises me your soul upon your death.” Logan sighed again, more heavily this time. “So as...irritating as you may be, and as much of an inconvenience as you no doubt will become, I am not particularly inclined to break a deal that benefits me in such a way.”

“Wh....” Remy didn’t exactly  _want_ to know the answer to what he was about to ask; all the same, they felt like they  _had_ to ask. “What are you going to do with my soul when I...when you finally get it?”

Logan stared wordlessly at Remy, and Remy did not like the expression on xyr face, no siree, they did  _not_ . “Are you sure that you would like to know?” xe asked lowly, and Remy had never been more aware of the fact that his new (unwilling) companion was, in fact, a dangerous, all-powerful demon.

“Nope!” Remy all but shrieked, turning on their gay speed-walking powers and moving ahead of Logan, now all the more anxious to get to class. “No, I do not want to know! I do not want to even think about it! I don’t want to think about  _any_ of this, actually, so you know what, we are officially closing this discussion topic for, like, ever! I just want to live my life, holy  _shit_ !”

Logan frowned. “How is shit holy?” xe questioned, and this time, Remy really did drop his iced mocha—or, well, the little that was left of it.

“Oh my—actually, no, never mind,” Remy muttered sullenly, picking the cup up from the ground. They extracted their straw from the cup, wiping it off on their jeans before they shoved it into the side pocket on his backpack. “Babe, you are, like, literally hopeless.”

“Naturally,” Logan responded evenly. “I am a demon. We have no need for hopes and other ridiculous goings-on.”

“I—ugh!” Remy threw his used coffee cup into the trash can with more force than was strictly necessary. They all but stomped over to the door of the art building, yanking the door open. “Nope. I am totally not dealing with this right now. I’m going to class for the next ninety or however many minutes,  and  _you_ ” — they jabbed a finger in Logan’s direction—“ are being put in time-out. You  can sit out in the hallway like a lost puppy or like, like a kid at the principal’s office or...or something!”

Logan  blinked owlishly behind his glasses. (Which, why would a demon even need glasses if they have magic? Xe really was trying too hard for a nerd aesthetic, if you asked Remy.)  “ But I am not—”

“NO!” Remy all but shrieked, practically running into his animation classroom and slamming the door behind him.

Logan stared after them, flummoxed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed this li'l update! There was a lot of information kinda dumped on in the end there, but now that the deal deets are out, all we need to get out of the way is the demon lore I made up bc I was too lazy to research any, and that'll be discussed a bit later on.
> 
> Also, PLEASE yell at me if you see any typos or if I accidentally misgendered either of our not-bois here. I caught one or two, but I always seem to do my best editing after I've already hit publish, so...rip.


	4. Three: In Which Remy Very Very Much Regrets the Stupid Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy, exhausted from dealing with Logan, gets a day off when Logan disappears on "demon business". Naturally, they spend it doing dumb shit like school and barely-tolerating his two friends Remus and Virgil. And while they're at it, let's toss in a teeny bit of angst, why doesn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next y'all get to meet this AU's Virgiiil! I love the soft fanon!Virgil, but in this AU my hope is that I can flesh him out to be more like his canon self (and maybe a bit more feral later on lol). Also more Remus content, because as difficult as he is to write, I love him.
> 
> Apologies for this chapter being so very very late! I had intended to put it on a back burner to try my hand at this thing called Soulmate September, but then I kinda forgot to write that too bc icky school stuff. Never fear, though! I am back! The next chapter should be up by next Sunday at the latest, and if it isn't, PLS feel free to yell at me lmao.

The rest of Remy’s day and then some of the next were spent with Logan shadowing him everywhere. Xe awkwardly followed them from school to work to home and everywhere in between, promptly getting into messes absolutely wherever the two went and thoroughly humiliating Remy by proxy.

Remy’s digital medias class in the computer lab? Logan nearly got them in trouble trying to take apart one of the desktop computers. (“I am merely curious to understand how human magic works. I have not been in this realm for at least a century.” “It ain’t magic, sugar, it’s science.” “Hmm. I think that I like the sound of this ‘science’ you speak of.”)

Remy’s history of literature class in the library? Logan got xemself lost in the stacks and nearly refused to let them leave for lunch. (“Again, demons do not technically require sustenance, Remy.” “Yeah, well _I_ do, bish. I can’t cannibalize dead souls like you.” “That is _not_ what we—” “You say to-may-to, I say to-mah-to!”)

Lunchtime in the university cafeteria? Logan tried to get on the conveyor belt that carried away dirty dishes to the kitchen “for science.” (“Where do the dishes go? Do humans harness the souls of damned politicians to do chores as well? ...Or do they still use ridiculously antiquated systems of color-coding humans by skin?” “I—actually, that sounds like a good idea. Could I get some of those dead politicians to clean my apartment?” “Get your own damned souls.”)

Remy’s human anatomy class in the science building? Logan ended up being roped into modelling for the class when the intended model never showed. (“Hey Rem, you finally score a date? Xe’s pretty hot.” “Oh ew, no.” “...D’you think xe’d be willing to model nude?” “Oh ew, _no_!”)

Remy’s literature analysis class in the English building? Logan got into a debate with the professor over her interpretation of _Ulysses_ by James Joyce. (“ Ohhhkay, babe, you need to calm the F down before we get kicked out.” “ But i t does indeed qualify as what you humans now call ‘fanfiction’. In fact, his original intent _was_ to write it as fanfiction! I should know, considering _I was there to help him write it._ ”)

Returning to the cafe to work a shift? Logan (mostly unintentionally) terrorized the customers in the shop and had to be dragged by the collar into the employee break room, where xe proceeded to (mostly intentionally) terrorize Remy and poor poor Emile. (“What is the purpose in imbibing so much bean juice?” “Logan, we’re—” “And what is the purpose in being so pushy and demanding over a singular pump of vanilla syrup?” “Logan—” “Are all humans really still so horrible?” “Okay. Gurl. While I agree with you, we’re kinda right in the middle of a rush here!”)

Heading back home, exhausted, and trying to do homework? Logan cruised around Remy’s apartment, constantly interrupting them to ask what different appliances were. (“What is this, Remy?” “Wh—Logan, that’s a toilet.” “What does it do?” “Y—you can’t tell me that you don’t know what a toilet is.” “I don’t know what a toilet is.” “I can literally _see_ you laughing at me, babe. I _know_ those existed in past centuries.”)

Getting ready for bed at the end of the night? Logan refused to give Remy any personal space at all. (“I must say, this is a very odd ritual. Who are we summoning?” “Gurl, when I said ‘bedtime ritual’, I meant, like, what I do to get ready for bed. The only thing I’m summoning is my toothbrush.” “You and I have very differing definitions of ‘ritual’.” “Are you just...are you deliberately being obstinate at this point?” “You have no proof. Your science ‘hypothesis’ requires proof.”)

Waking up in the morning? Logan was lying down and staring directly into Remy’s face as he woke, and Remy started the day off screeching and falling backwards out of bed. (“If your goal is to make me extremely fucking uncomfortable—which I object to, because that’s totally supposed to be _my_ job—then congrats! You’ve officially succeeded!” “I am afraid that I have no idea what you are talking about.” “Look, you know I don’t like this any more than you do.”)

Remy finally got a break when, after an awkward breakfast spent avoiding Logan’s unblinking stare, Logan abruptly got up from the table and announced that xe had “important business” to attend to.” Then, with a quiet popping noise, xe disappeared into thin air.

Remy gaped. He processed. Then he realized:

“Wait, you’re telling me that you could’ve just gone off to do your own thing at _literally any point_ yesterday?!” Remy called out accusingly into thin air. He fumed, thinking back to all the shenanigans Logan had gotten them into and all the professors that probably hated him even more now. Does that mean xe had done it all intentionally? “Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

Remy slung his backpack over his shoulder. “You know what, whatever. I’m just gonna enjoy my me-time, bish.” Then, tossing their hands up into the air, he marched over to the front door of his apartment.

Shutting the door and locking it behind them, Remy started off on their journey to coffee, then to university. “...Why couldn’t you have chosen a time when I _didn’t_ have school to disappear?” he griped as he trudged off, slipping in their earbuds and pulling up their angsty irritated playlist on Spotify. It was one of _those_ days.

(Ugh, god, _every_ day was going to be one of those days with Logan, wasn’t it?)

* * *

As much as Remy would’ve loved to actually enjoy their demon-free day, he found himself feeling more anxious than anything else.

It wasn’t like they and Logan had been stuck with each other for that long—it had only been, what, a whopping two days now? Nevertheless, after spending a full thirty-six hours with xem by his side, puzzling over modern life and making snarky comments, the silence as Remy went from class to class was...odd.

Plus, they really wouldn’t put it past xem to randomly reappear out of nowhere in the middle of one of his classes, thoroughly freaking out his classmates and giving them another reason to avoid Remy. The lot of them were mostly pretentious assholes already, uppity lit professors included—no need to give them more ammunition when they already thought Remy was nuts for doing a webcomic.

All the same, as the school day approached its end and there was still no sign of Logan, Remy slowly allowed themselves to let down their guard.

Once his final class of the day had let out (today it was, mercifully, one of his creative writing classes), Remy found themself on their way to the campus library for a collective study-plus-webcomic-planning sesh with Virgil and Remus.

Walking into the library—still with no demon shadowing his every move—it felt like a gigantic weight lifted off of Remy’s chest to see Remus and Virgil sitting in the usual corner of the sci-fi section of the library. Which, considering those two nerds were usually more of an annoyance and an embarrassment than anything else, it was very weird to be relieved upon seeing them. All the same, though, their typical Thursday meetup was indicative that some normalcy yet remained in the world, and normalcy was very much good and very much wanted right then.

Remy almost— _almost_ —smiled as he tossed his bag to the floor and sat down next to Virgil, flicking off his sunglasses. Almost.

Until Remus opened his mouth, reminding Remy why, exactly, the weirdos were usually more of an annoyance and embarrassment.

“So how are things going with your new demon date?” Remus asked, waggling his eyebrows. “Tell me, is xe a rigid dominatrix or a sweet little subby-wubby? Because if you don’t mind sharing, xe could totally take me over xyr knee and—”

“Okay, no!” Remy very nearly yelled, garnering nasty looks from the head librarian and a few students and nearby tables. They lowered their voice. “We are _so_ not discussing this. Especially not in the middle of a library. Holy fuck, _no_.”

“Xe’s a demon; fucking xem can’t be anywhere near ‘holy’.” Remus cackled, warranting another glare from the librarian.

Remy practically threw his sunglasses onto the table. “I _will_ break off and finish this webcomic on my own,” he threatened. “I will literally, like, learn how to actually draw just to do it.”

“...D’you mind letting me in on whatever the fuck is going on here?” Up until that point Virgil had been watching the scene unfold with confused eyes, which Remy watched narrow in wary suspicion as he spoke. “Who’s this ‘demon date’, Valley Girl? Spit it out.”

“Our Jerryboy here got a hot da-ate,” Remus sing-songed gleefully, making a lewd gesture with his hands.

“Xe isn’t hot. And xe’s not my date, either,” Remy corrected irritably, fighting the urge to reach over and give Remus a solid smack. “Gurl. How many times do I have to beat that through your thick skull?”

“Okay fine, so maybe you two aren’t getting it on. Yet.” Remus shrugged, and that was pretty much as good as Remy was gonna get from him, so ugh, _sure_ , they would take it. “You have to admit that ass is totally smash-worthy.” He wriggled his eyebrows again, clearly delighting in his torture of poor Remy. “Like, Hulk-level worthiness of smashing.”

“Ugh, fine. I guess xe’s, like, hot or whatever, but xe’s a total social recluse.” Remy rolled their eyes, anxious to move on from the topic already. “It’s bad enough already that I hang out with you two geeks.”

“I am _not_ a geek,” Virgil said hotly, glaring sharply at Remy. “Asshat.”

Remy turned their doubtful gaze on Virgil. “Oh, yeah, sure, honey. Sure you aren’t.”

Virgil crossed his arms, folding in on himself. He mumbled something unintelligible into his chest before looking back up. “It doesn’t matter. Stop avoiding my question: who the hell is this dude?”

“Demon. Xe’s a demon,” Remus corrected, and _wow_ , this _really_ wasn’t how Remy had wanted to disclose their new roommate’s demon status to his eternally-anxious editor. Although, considering this was Remus, of all people, perhaps it wasn’t all that surprising.

“Very funny,” Virgil deadpanned, clearly unconvinced, and hey, that was good, maybe Remy could salvage this interaction. “Do I know xem? Is whatever’s between you two going to cause scandals or some shit? We really don’t need to get us or our comic cancelled.”

“I—no?” Remy paused in thought. “Like I keep saying, and like y’all keep ignoring, the two of us are very much _not_ involved like that. And like, even if we were, I don’t think it would matter to anyone, since in the eyes of the rest of the world, xe basically doesn’t exist.”

Virgil’s brow furrowed. “How can someone basically not exist?” he asked skeptically. His eyes widened in mild alarm. “Please tell me you’re not dating an enemy of the state or some shit. I’m all for eating the rich, but that’s way overboard.”

Remy sighed irritably. Maybe it was better to just rip the bandaid off and tell Virgil after all. Better that than accidentally convince the guy that he’s on some kinda watchlist. Poor kid was already way too uptight. “Re _lax_ , babe. Xe’s not public enemy number one, xe’s just a literal demon.”

Virgil looked concerned for all of two seconds before his face smoothed out and crinkled into a look of utter disbelief. “Sure, sure. And I’m secretly an angel.”

“Look, I know it sounds crazy. I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that either.” Remy picked up his sunglasses again and began tapping them rapidly against the wooden table. Should they just type up a business card and start handing it out to people? Explaining this was starting to get tedious. “But for god or satan or who _ever_ knows what reason, I managed to summon a demon, and now I’m stuck with xem for the rest of my life and eternity and yada yada.”

Virgil stared at him disbelievingly. “Yeah, right.” He snickered. “So what’s this so-called demon’s name then, hmm?” He leaned back in his chair, smirking. “Beelzebub? Abbadon? Is xe the Keymaster?”

“Nah.” Remy shook his head before propping it up on his arm. “Xyr name is Logan.”

“ _Logan_?” Virgil questioned dubiously, raising an eyebrow.

“Logan!” Remus confirmed.

“You called?” a resigned voice asked.

Several things happened all at once.

“ _Oh_ my—” Remy’s head slipped off his hand, and they flailed around wildly for balance.

Remus gave up on balancing entirely and fell out of his chair with a loud thunk.

“ _Je_ sus _CHRIST_ ,” Virgil screeched, leaping out of his own seat.

“No, my name is Logan,” said the aforementioned demon.

“What the fuck,” said Remus.

“Get out,” said the head librarian.

* * *

The three—now four—of them hastily made their exit from the library, retreating to Virgil’s dorm room instead (Remy was _not_ about to step into Remus’ ever again, no siree, not even under penalty of death). Remus sniggered the whole while, as Remy and Virgil struggled to calm their rapidly-beating hearts, and Logan followed along, completely unaware of the crisis xe was causing.

“Whaddaya know, for once Virgin’s the one who got us kicked out, and not me!” Remus snorted as he threw his backpack unceremoniously onto the floor of Virgil’s room.

“I— _that’s_ what you’re worried about?” Virgil tossed his own backpack onto his desk chair before whirling around, pointing an accusatory finger in Logan’s direction. “He— shit, xe, sorry—xe just appeared out of fucking _nowhere_ , and you’re telling me you’re more worried about who specifically caused us to get kicked out of the library—”

“This is exactly why I tried to tell you in advance,” Remy groaned, but of course nobody listened to him. “Only nooo, you decided you didn’t wanna believe me.” They turned to look at Logan where xe stood stoically in the doorway, choosing to tune out Virgil and Remus as they bickered. “Hey, babe. So how was your day.”

“I.” Logan blinked. “How was my day?”

“Yeah.” Remy rolled his eyes. “You know you’re, like, supposed to give an actual answer and not parrot back what I said, right?”

“Ah—yes. Excuse me, I am not used to someone inquiring about my day.” Logan regarded him strangely. “My day was...productive.” Xe cleared xyr throat, quickly looking away from Remy. “And yours?”

“Not quite so great, thanks to these buffoons.” Remy plopped down onto the carpeted floor of the dorm room. They looked up at Logan and patted the spot next to them on the ground. “C’mon. Help me with my _Ulysses_ paper. Ignore those two,” he declared as behind them, Remus and Virgil’s voices rose to their highest yet.

Pulling out a binder, his book, and a plethora of papers from their backpack, Remy pawned their essay off on Logan. “C’mon. You said you were there when he wrote this thing. You gotta help me figure out if this the right interpretation.”

Logan arched an eyebrow, but xe stiffly sat down next to Remy nevertheless. “Are you not supposed to do your own work?”

“Come on, babe. Think of it as a way to say sorry for like, totally abandoning me today. Which, speaking of.” Remy levelled Logan with a stern gaze. “Where _were_ you today, gurl?”

“Oh! Well.” Logan hesitated before xe spoke again, sliding off xyr glasses and rubbing at the lenses with the hem of xyr black shirt. “I had business...what is the euphemism that you humans use...I had business ‘downstairs’, you could say.”

“You’re a demon. You’re allowed to use the ‘h-e-double-hockey-sticks’ word, ya know.” Remy cracked open the novel, aimlessly flipping pages. “What kind of business?” they prodded further.

“Business business,” Logan shot back, refusing to elaborate. “Business that I do not believe to be any of _your_ business.”

“Okay, okay, jeez, whatever you say.” Remy raised his hands in mock surrender for a moment before returning back to the task at hand. “It’s not like I really care or anything.”

“Oh?” Logan’s voice was politely disinterested. Xe fixed xyr eyes down on Remy’s loopy handwriting. Remy noticed xyr hand go pale with how tightly xe held the papers.

“Of course. What, like I would miss you or something?” Remy said, not entirely sure why they were doing so. It wasn’t exactly a secret that he wasn’t happy with their situation, but it was his own damn fault. Who was he to rub it in?

Logan was silent.

Virgil and Remus’ voices finally quieted behind the two of them, reducing to sullen mutters back and forth. And it was about time, too, Remy figured distastefully.

Only....

Only then it was almost uncomfortably silent, with the two of them quiet and with Logan taking much too long to respond.

Finally Logan’s voice broke the quiet. “You did not miss me.” Xyr words were murmured, carefully maintained, neutral yet piercing through the silence nonetheless. “Naturally. We have only known each other for approximately thirty-six hours, give or take a few minutes, and none of that has been willing acquaintanceship.” Xyr words were clinical, merely statement of fact. “It is only logical.”

“Naturally,” Remy echoed as they stared down at the page in front of them, the words on the page blurring together just slightly. He wondered why the word felt oddly empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That, uh. Got real sad for a moment there. Not to worry, though! Our not-bois are gonna be suppressing all of that delicious angst for a while yet! :D muahahahaha.
> 
> Please let me know if there are any typos or if I accidentally misgendered anyone!!

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been nursing the concept for this human-ish AU for a while, and I need to practice using other pronouns, so two birds with one stone! Yey! :D Plz do let me know what you think, point out if I accidentally misgender someone or make any typos, and if you have any tips on writing Remy’s (or tbh anyone’s) character, I’d love to hear them! ^^
> 
> Come screech at me in the comments or on [Tumblr](https://jowritesthingss.tumblr.com/) or wherever you’d like! Just preferably don’t track me down and screech at me in person, I have social anxiety and I will cry.


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